Tips on Giving Your Child A “Time-Out”
by Nicole MacKenzie
What does a time-out really look like?
To be effective, a time-out is an immediate instant feedback technique that is done right where the child is. The child simply sits on the floor with hands on knees. The rule is to sit quietly until you are “done”. Note that if you are putting a child in another room or behind closed doors, then this has much more of a punishment tone and is not what we are after.
The adult-in-charge always decides whether or not the child is “done” with the time-out. The simplest way to determine this is to ask the child. For example, “Are you ready to follow instructions?” or “Are you ready to… (whatever the child was in time-out for)?” It doesn’t need to be a particular number of minutes or any type of formula. In fact, having a formula (like 3-year-olds 3 minutes, 5-year-olds 5 minutes, etc.) usually doesn’t work well since the curiosity is lost when it becomes rigid. A 10-year-old may be ready to come out of time-out in only 2 minutes, and I have witnessed a 5-year-old sit in time-out for hours before they decided they were ready. If there is a second part to the consequence (like a cleaning assignment), then usually “done” is when the child is ready to perform their assignment.
What’s the point of a time-out?
The point is to stop the child’s world to calm them down. This is an immediate instant feedback. It helps the child learn to make distinctions between what works and what doesn’t work for the person-in-charge.
[ad#ad-2]
Isn’t it just a different form of punishment?
The honest answer here is that it depends on you. If your intent is to punish (the child is bad/wrong and you are emotionally engaged), then anything you do at that point will be felt as a punishment. But if you remain unengaged emotionally, it’s much easier to calmly and lovingly honor your child’s “choice” – they simply chose the time-out consequence over the household rule.
What if the child won’t sit quietly in time-out?
If your child is not willing to sit down on his own, sit down behind him and gently but firmly hold him. If you have to do that, do not talk to him, explain or argue. Simply stay calm and firm. The only thing you can ask from time to time is: “Are you ready to sit here quietly by yourself?”
Remember that your child is actually counting on you to be more determined than they are. It actually brings a sense of relief and relaxation into their systems when they know they can trust you.
I also always recommend not getting too wordy when holding a child accountable. They do not need a lecture or explanations or justifications. They are just interested to see if you keep your word and follow through consistently. If you do that it builds a much safer environment for them.
About the Author: Nicole Mackenzie’s simple, yet proven Responsive Parenting Method shows parents how to raise more responsible and happier kids using non-judgmental awareness, curiosity and discipline without punishment – plus have fun in the process! Nicole is an author and mother of 6 children. She has been a facilitator, speaker, coach and trainer for 16 years.
If you liked this post, submit your email address below to get new posts by email:
